I'm going to admit my bias up front; I'm not big on hip-hop or rap or whatever you wanna call it. With that being said, I'm just going to post some lyrics from this debacle and let you all decide for yourselves whether or not you're stupid enough to listen to this brain dump start to finish:
The royal penis is clean your highness
Thank you, king shit
Thank you, king shit
Yup. Think you can hang with this masterpiece? I can't. I think I'd rather chug a turpentine/broken glass smoothie than ever have to listen to this garbage again. It also doesn't help that every single fucking song is about drug transactions/ho's/killing people/how rich Ludacris is/how poor Ludacris was. I'm from the 'burbs, I could give a shit less about crack cocaine and the guttersluts you ream out at a Motel 6. All the money in the world, and the album art still blows a fat one, too. Yawn, don't care.
0/10
LATE NITE WARS- DEMO EP
Great, just what everyone fucking needs! Another band of clueless, ex-metalcore retards who jumped the SS BREE BREE ORT ORT when it stopped raking in the cash and washed up on pseudo-sensitive bogus pop-punk island. I don't know how many times people are going to have to whine about bands like this before they start calling themselves something else, but they're NOT pop-punk. They're not even punk. They're sensitive dick bro-core. Seriously. One of the dinks in this mess is on MTV's "The Real World" currently to score some booty. Sweet bro. Afterwards, you and your football buddies can lather up and take a nice hot shower together and smack each other in the ass with towels. Just kidding, the dude is like 100 lbs. soaking wet and was busy taking Myspace pictures in the school bathroom while the cool kids joked on his girly haircut. Speaking of that guy and Myspace, after looking at their profile pictures, he also seems completely incapable of closing his mouth. I guess he never knows when the oppurtunity will arise for him to catch a load.
Oh yeah, this band has music. I almost forgot. Well, what do you want me to say? It sounds like these guys like The Movielife and Saves The Day and Blink-182 and New Found Glory and every other shitty, dickless band that every dim-witted 14 year old shopping at Hot Topic likes. Judging from the lyrics (at least the ones I can make out, the vocals are awful), these guys care a lot about broship and nostalgia. Save it for livejournal, ladies. I bet these jerks don't even own a copy of "My Brain Hurts." I'm positive none of their moron fans own copies either.
In closing, this band will probably get huge because most kids are stupid and only listen to a band for 6 months anyway, then they'll fade away and you'll never hear about them again. Either way, I thought they sucked from day one. Eat shit and live.
-1/10
(They just lost a point because I really can't stand that fucking guy with the open-mouth thing. Fuck that guy.)
and following a similar theme....
TITLE FIGHT- KINGSTON
Pretty much the same shit as above. I bet people spinkick to this stuff. I bet these guys think pizza is totally awesome or something and like pool parties and girls. I bet they don't cover The Ramones at band practice, but think "Through Being Cool" is a classic. And people in bands like this almost always suck at skateboarding, which really gets me riled up so FUCK THAT. I'd like to see what these guys are doing once they turn 13 and discover the Lookout! Records back catalog. I'm sure every beanie-wearing, Have Heart jammin', future bike dork in the continental U.S. is eating this up right now, so I give this band a solid 2 years before people pretend they never liked them.
a big fat fuckin' ZIP outta 10; want some tissues so you can cry about it, fanboy?
MY BLOODY VALENTINE- ECSTASY AND WINE
This band is awesome, let me say that right off the bat. And while nothing can touch "Loveless," this album is great nonetheless. Some people think it's pretty cool to like this band right now, and those people are wrong, because it's ALWAYS cool to like this band. Lots of fuzziness and feedback and noise, but it all comes together in a super melodic, sugary, pop music bliss. This combines the "Ecstasy" and "Strawberry Wine" EPs, which even though they're far from essential, are still really great records. I wish that somehow I could go back in time and tack on the "Sunny Sundae Smile" EP onto it as well, because that record blows my mind. I hate everything, but I like this a lot. That should say something. Don't be a poseur.
8/10
That's it. Now I'm gonna be real honest with you guys for a second here. This blog is going totally on what you guys suggest for me to review. And I want to keep it that way. But for five fucking seconds, can you peabrains expand beyond your hardcore-punk-metal horizons and give me some interesting stuff to review??? Seriously, I'm not looking to write about how many breakdowns are on the new Madball record, or be the 1,000,000th person to confirm that "Reign In Blood" is a pretty good album. It's boring and safe and most of that trash is fucking generic and lame. That's it. Now go back to watching TV and listening to Youth Of Today.
